Up near the surface
Jul. 11th, 2006 02:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gerisullivanIt's no surprise that grief is particularly close to the surface for me this week. We're finally having the memorial service for Mom this Friday, rich brown died last week, and life's intensity took some interesting jumps up quite recently. Not bad jumps, mind you, but still....
I continue to find it curious just what triggers another crashing wave of grief and what doesn't. What I can move smoothly through, and what stops me with utter abruptness. Monday morning, I tried on a couple different dresses, considering which to wear to the Williamston cemetery on Friday. No problems there, just comfortable thoughts about what I want to wear and why, and deciding to pack a second dress so I'll also have an option come the day. There was also the satisfaction of discovering the dresses still fit much the same as they did when I bought them several years ago. S'all right.
But tonight...tonight I was going full steam ahead on a layout project, cropping and sizing photos to use as page elements, adding a descriptor to the photo number for easier selection. A few hours into the project, after working with dozens of pictures of couples, families, adults, and children, I named one joyful photo "motherdaughter." Wham.
It's sharp, it's shattering. Yes, I know it will pass. But I just had to stop, catch my breath, and remember how I get through this (by writing, focusing on music, and letting tears flow when they will).
Onward.
I continue to find it curious just what triggers another crashing wave of grief and what doesn't. What I can move smoothly through, and what stops me with utter abruptness. Monday morning, I tried on a couple different dresses, considering which to wear to the Williamston cemetery on Friday. No problems there, just comfortable thoughts about what I want to wear and why, and deciding to pack a second dress so I'll also have an option come the day. There was also the satisfaction of discovering the dresses still fit much the same as they did when I bought them several years ago. S'all right.
But tonight...tonight I was going full steam ahead on a layout project, cropping and sizing photos to use as page elements, adding a descriptor to the photo number for easier selection. A few hours into the project, after working with dozens of pictures of couples, families, adults, and children, I named one joyful photo "motherdaughter." Wham.
It's sharp, it's shattering. Yes, I know it will pass. But I just had to stop, catch my breath, and remember how I get through this (by writing, focusing on music, and letting tears flow when they will).
Onward.
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Date: 2006-07-14 01:28 pm (UTC)I think of you often, and am sending you an extra measure of warm thoughts, love, and support today.